


though it’s been said, many times, many ways

by timeladyleo



Series: the knapp-shappey-shipwrights have a horrible christmas! [5]
Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: F/M, Hospitals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27977019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeladyleo/pseuds/timeladyleo
Summary: Carolyn went straight to him, walking fast, ignoring any thoughts for dignity or pride or appearances. That didn’t matter right now.
Relationships: Carolyn Knapp-Shappey/Herc Shipwright
Series: the knapp-shappey-shipwrights have a horrible christmas! [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2039773
Kudos: 11





	though it’s been said, many times, many ways

**Author's Note:**

> A lighter one than yesterday - i didn't want to split them up again after that. This one's set somewhere between Ottery and Rotterdam in December.
> 
> This is, of course, 'The Christmas Song'.

Carolyn went straight to him, walking fast, ignoring any thoughts for dignity or pride or appearances. That didn’t matter right now. He didn’t see her approach, too busy pacing the waiting room, trapped in his thoughts. Worries.

“Herc,” Carolyn said gently, snapping him out of his trance. He stopped dead in his tracks, turning to her. Relief in his eyes. 

A smile spread across his face as he breathed out her name. “Carolyn.” He barely had to step forward before she was there, arms wrapped around him. There was no-one around to witness this, no-one she knew. No-one who would hold it against her later.

“I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you.”

“Don’t be silly,” she said, her voice lacking its usual harshness. “How is she?”

“Alive. They won’t tell me anything else, even though I’m family. They said it’s too early to know.” 

“How frustrating.” 

Herc squeezed her tightly, then pressed a kiss into the top of her head and released her. Part of her didn’t want to let go. He looked tired, the kind of haggard that came with the fear of the unknown. Helpless. 

“I’m sorry to have asked you to come so late,” he said, his shoulders sagging. 

Carolyn shook her head. “Don’t be silly,” she said again. “I was hardly about to leave you here on your own.”

“I just didn’t know who else to call.”

“Herc,” she said firmly, taking his hand. He blinked in surprise, looking at her as if he had just realised she was real. She held on tight. “It’s okay. I’m here. Did you  
honestly think there was even a remote chance I might say no?”

His face fell into a frown, mouth slightly open as he processed the implications of the question. There was a thought going around in his head, Carolyn could see it rattling around. She desperately didn’t want him to say it out loud, so to change the subject she pulled him towards a seat, making the excuse in her head that he looked like he was about to wobble over. Which he did. She tried not to think about what exactly she was making excuses for. 

She had, after all, driven at breakneck speeds to get here, in the middle of the night. Pretending not to care now was a little bit of a mixed message. 

“When was the last time you ate?” she asked, using a bad approximation of her stern mother voice. It was hard to be stern with someone who looked so on edge. 

Herc shrugged. Carolyn shook her head again and delved into her bag, producing a breakfast bar and some crisps. “Arthur did the shopping this week, I’m afraid, so this is the best we had in on the snack front.”

She shoved them towards him, deliberately not noting the expression on his face. How it made her feel. How his eyes were warm. Loving, even. 

“We were out of smoky bacon, so ready salted will have to do,” she said, deciding a joke would break the tension nicely. 

She forgot that a joke would make him smile, make him look at her warmly again. Make it feel like she didn’t want to look away. At some point or other, she knew she was going to have to come clean about lying to herself. Perhaps not out loud, not yet, but the time was approaching that she would no longer be able to deny that she was fond of him. Liked him, even. 

Loved him, even? 

“Thank you,” he said, simply. They sat in silence for a while. Carolyn had run out of anything to say that was jovial enough to distract him from his sister on the other side of the wall, or light enough that it would distract her from having to have a frank conversation with herself about what she was feeling. 

Herc got up, put the wrappers in the bin, then sat back down. On a wall, somewhere, a clock ticked, loudly marking the seconds. The trick was not to think of them as a countdown. He sat back down, and took her hand, holding it between his. 

“Carolyn,” Herc began, his eyes darting around before settling back on her. She hummed suspiciously. “I have to tell you something, but you’re not going to like it.”

“What?”

“I love you.”

She was certain that panic was the wrong expression to have crossed her face in that moment, but she couldn’t help it, couldn’t stop it. Couldn’t even turn it into bored disdain. Somehow, he didn’t seem to mind. Somehow, he looked relieved again, as though he had been expecting worse. 

“I see,” she said, aware of how cold it sounded. It had to be, or else she’d laugh, and that felt worse. This wasn’t the right time to laugh at the notion of love. “What’s brought this on?”

“You’re here.”

“Please don’t go any further down that line of enquiry.”

It was clear he wanted to, the question _why_ written all over his face. What could she tell him? What could she possibly say, here, in the middle of the night, in the middle of the empty hospital that she’d dropped everything to drive to? Wasn’t that proof enough? Anything she could think to say just sounded like a rejection. 

He let go of her hand. “I’m sorry,” he said, turning away. Eyes on the wall. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Everything she could think to say sounded hollow. What was he expecting her to do? To profess her own feelings or just to validate his? She didn’t know how to do either. 

She was here, though, wasn’t she?

Herc kept staring at the wall, his whole body tense. Carolyn wavered, then shuffled, positioning herself to lean against his shoulder more comfortably. She felt a muscle twitch as she settled, and to prove her point looped her arm through his, reaching out to entwine their fingers. 

As he breathed out, he relaxed again, and Carolyn smiled. Proof enough, indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr, [sircarolyn](http://sircarolyn.tumblr.com/).


End file.
